Glossary of Terms relating to Domestic Abuse & Narcissism

I’ve had a lot of people reaching out to me asking what certain terms mean when it comes to abuse and narcissism, and I am part of many groups and forums where I see people ask the same.

I have collated a glossary of terms related to Domestic Abuse and Narcissism to give a brief overview of forty common terms used.

If you want to understand them more, or want to see how they are used in real life situations, I do cover this in my books which can be found here:  Books  , and I have also made a video series covering some of them on my YouTube Channel or  TikTok.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): A mental health condition characterized by a long-term pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward other people.

Grandiosity: An inflated sense of one's own importance, power, or identity. This can manifest in unrealistic fantasies of success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

Entitlement: The belief that one deserves special treatment or recognition beyond what is typical or fair.

Lack of Empathy: Difficulty in recognizing or identifying with the feelings and needs of others. This is a key characteristic of narcissistic individuals.

Exploitation: Taking advantage of others to achieve one's own goals. Narcissists often exploit people without guilt or remorse.

Idealization and Devaluation: A cycle in relationships where a narcissist initially idealizes a person, viewing them as perfect, and later devalues them when they fail to meet unrealistic expectations.

Narcissistic Supply: The admiration, attention, and affirmation that narcissists need to sustain their self-esteem. They often manipulate situations to receive this supply from others.

Gaslighting: A form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist makes the victim doubt their own reality or sanity. It's a common tactic used to maintain control over others.

Projection: Attributing one’s own unacceptable feelings or flaws to another person. Narcissists often accuse others of the very things they themselves are guilty of.

Triangulation: A tactic where a narcissist creates a situation where two or more people are pitted against each other. This can be used to manipulate and control relationships.

Flying Monkeys: Individuals who are manipulated by the narcissist to do their bidding. These people often unwittingly assist in the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse of others.

Hoovering: Attempts by the narcissist to suck a victim back into the relationship or dynamic after a period of separation or conflict. This can involve flattery, promises of change, or guilt-tripping.

Mirroring: The narcissist mimics the behaviors, speech, and preferences of the victim to create a sense of connection and trust. This is often used in the initial stages of a relationship.

Narcissistic Injury: Emotional hurt or blow to the narcissist’s self-esteem. This can be triggered by criticism, rejection, or failure, leading to narcissistic rage or withdrawal.

Narcissistic Rage: Intense anger or aggression displayed by a narcissist in response to a perceived threat to their self-esteem or self-worth.

Parental Alienation: A situation where one parent manipulates a child to unjustly reject, fear, or distrust the other parent, often resulting in a damaged or estranged relationship between the child and the targeted parent.

Covert Narcissism: A form of narcissism where the individual presents as shy, introverted, or self-effacing but still possesses a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement. They may be hypersensitive to criticism and harbor hidden resentments.

Overt Narcissism: The more commonly recognized form of narcissism where the individual is openly grandiose, arrogant, and seeks admiration and attention.

Narcissistic Enabler: Someone who supports or excuses the narcissist's behavior, often because they are manipulated or dependent on the narcissist.

Love Bombing: An early stage in a relationship where the narcissist overwhelms the target with affection, admiration, and attention to quickly build a sense of attachment and dependency.

False Self: The façade or mask that a narcissist presents to the world, which is often grandiose and idealized. This is in contrast to their hidden, insecure true self.

Reactive Abuse: When a victim of narcissistic abuse reacts in a way that seems abusive, and the narcissist uses this reaction to paint themselves as the victim.

Narcissistic Collapse: A state where the narcissist's defense mechanisms fail, leading to feelings of worthlessness, depression, and vulnerability. This can happen when their grandiose self-image is significantly challenged or shattered.

Supply Chain: The network of individuals from whom a narcissist draws narcissistic supply. This can include romantic partners, friends, family, colleagues, and acquaintances.

Idealization Phase: The initial phase in a relationship with a narcissist where the target is idealized and seen as perfect. This is part of the cycle of idealization and devaluation.

Devaluation Phase: The phase following idealization where the narcissist begins to find fault with the target and treats them with contempt or disregard.

Discard Phase: The final phase in the narcissist’s cycle of abuse, where the narcissist abandons the target after devaluing them, often suddenly and without explanation.

No Contact: A strategy used by victims of narcissistic abuse to cut off all communication and interaction with the narcissist to heal and protect themselves from further harm.

Grey Rock Method: A technique where the victim makes themselves as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible to the narcissist in order to avoid their manipulative behaviour.

Cognitive Dissonance: The mental discomfort experienced by someone who holds two or more contradictory beliefs or values. Victims of narcissistic abuse often experience cognitive dissonance due to the narcissist's conflicting behaviours.

Hoover Manoeuvre: Similar to hoovering, it's a tactic used by narcissists to pull someone back into the relationship by making promises of change or showing apparent remorse.

Narcissistic Fleas: Traits or behaviours adopted by those who have been in close contact with a narcissist for an extended period. These can be temporary and are often a survival mechanism.

Future Faking: A manipulation tactic where the narcissist makes promises about the future to get what they want in the present. These promises are rarely, if ever, kept.

Malignant Narcissism: An extreme form of narcissism that combines traits of narcissistic personality disorder with antisocial behaviour, sadism, and a lack of conscience.

Echoism: The opposite of narcissism, where individuals are excessively self-effacing, submissive, and afraid of being the centre of attention. They often attract narcissists.

Boundaries: Limits set by individuals to protect their personal space, values, and well-being. Narcissists often violate or ignore others’ boundaries.

Smear Campaign: When a narcissist spreads false information and malicious rumors about someone to damage their reputation and isolate them from their support network.

Narcissistic Supply Chain: The ongoing need for attention and admiration from various sources to maintain the narcissist's self-esteem.

Somatic Narcissist: A narcissist who is preoccupied with their physical appearance and body, seeking validation through physical attractiveness and sexual conquests.

Cerebral Narcissist: A narcissist who derives their sense of superiority from their intellect and academic or professional achievements, rather than physical appearance.

For more info, please read the series on Understand Domestic Abuse & Narcissism.