He wasn't allowed to use his own toilet.
One man in Cheshire spent six months in a relationship where he wasn't allowed to use the toilet in his own home. He had to go to public buildings instead.
His girlfriend controlled what he ate. She made him sleep on the floor with the windows open, searched him whenever he left the house, cut him off from his family and demanded cameras to watch him. She insulted his weight, his hygiene and his intelligence, made him pay for her private treatments, and had him fake illness so she could get codeine on his prescriptions.
When he finally went to the police in March 2022, she did what abusers so often do. She said he was the abuser.
Her own phone told a different story. Almost two years later, two days into her trial, she pleaded guilty to controlling and coercive behaviour. The prosecutor said it "did not represent the normal ups and downs of a relationship." She was given 20 months, suspended for two years, with a rehabilitation order and a five-year restraining order. She walked out of court.
Men can't be victims. If it was that bad, he'd have left. He could have fought back. Every one of those myths was in that house. And the moment he spoke up, the first thing he was told was that he was the problem. That's exactly why so many men never report at all.
This is why I write. Not because these cases are rare, but because almost nobody talks about them.
If this is happening to you, the ManKind Initiative helpline is free on 0808 800 1170, weekdays 10am to 4pm.
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